I am Not a Muslim but an Autistic and 'My Name Is Khan'

San Francisco
Monday, 24 September

Dear Mandira,

Thanks to almighty for keep on watching over me so that I am still alive to have my say again even with the lines from the pages they removed from the diary that you were reading all the time while I was in the hospital bed.

My mom said once, 'When you believe that you are not able to speak what exactly you feel in your mind; try to write down your feelings; a pen and a paper with a painful mind will help you to sketch your feelings if you are patient enough to.' Thanks mom, I always do the same even if it is a single line. The whole world is so strange Mandira; I just don’t understand all these things. Mom used to say always, that there are only two kinds of people in this world. Good people, who do good things always. And others are bad people, who do bad things always. I am so sorry mom that now I am saying there are some other differences among the people, like Believers and non believers. Believers are those who believe in God, fait, money, power or whatever and non believers are those who have no beliefs at all. What they have is only a kind of paranoia. They suspect every one and every thing for no particular reasons; they think this is the way they should be. And I don’t understand who is who!

I am so scared Mandira; scared like in hell. I feel so lonely. I would ask again that “Can we have sex now”? But I know we can’t, because it’s not an act of brain, it’s an act of heart; isn’t it? And it’s now departed. And I feel so guilty now. What my brother said was absolutely true. When I told him about our marriage, he warned me by Islam. Do you know, no Muslim is allowed to marry a non Muslim unless otherwise they accept the religion of Islam. This is the one among the countless truths of Islam with which nobody other than Muslims can easily negotiate ever. I am pretty sure that those who accept and praise Riswan Khan who was brave enough to marry a non Muslim and who was in all way ready to sacrifice himself to rescue the flood victims of Georgia, would never be dared to accept and love Riswan, if he had refused to marry Mandira only because she is not a Muslim. But indeed the truth is that being a Muslim I was not supposed to marry you. But I did, because it’s again an act of heart. But in Muslim’s life, Islam matters a lot and in Islam brain matters more than heart does. It’s not because of the hatred against the non Muslims nor their religion. It’s just because a Muslim should love his wife and family in such way that the Holly Quran teaches. And before that, he should have such a wife and family that the Holly Quran teaches. That means, a Muslims is a person who believes himself as the blessed person who got the great fortune to follow the religion of God. Then how can a Muslim let his wife being a non Muslim? How can he let her being away from the truth that he believes in? It seems to be the greatest sin that he can do to his wife ever. Islam is a fruit to share.

Sorry Mandira, I failed to meet Mr: president again, but I am not tired, I know I have to meet him at any cost. Last time when I met him from only a few meters away from the barricade where I struggled to be the first among the crowd, uttered as louder as I can that “My Name Is Khan and I am Not a Terrorist” but what happened is almost a big surprise for the all Americans gathered and even for Mr: president too. They took me into the FBI custody. It was just so horrible. Mom said if you believe that you are not able to speak what exactly you feel in your mind try to write it down. Thanks mom I do the same always. But mom, you never said what I should do when believe that I am not able to write what exactly I feel in my mind. “My brother was lucky because he could cry”. Mandira, being a prisoner is really not a good thing I was hurt so much. Inside the walls I have seen no Jews, no Christians or no Hindus but only criminals, they are not imprisoned with their religion, there were no charges against their religion, they are traitors to their own faith. And that is true I should admit that. But I have seen ‘Muslims’ inside. “When a Jew kills someone, religion is not mentioned, but when a Muslim is charged with a crime, it is Islam that goes to trial!” I just don’t understand all these. I really want to ask these too to Mr: president when I meet him.

Mandira, I think we are mistaken. Last day I heard Mr: president’s speech. On Thursday, September 20, President George W. Bush gave this much-anticipated speech before a Joint Session of Congress, outlining America's reaction to the unprecedented attack against its people.

“Our war on terror begins with al-Qaida, but it does not end there. It will not end until every terrorist group of global reach has been found, stopped and defeated.

Americans are asking, "Why do they hate us?"

They hate what they see right here in this chamber: a democratically elected government. Their leaders are self-appointed. They hate our freedoms: our freedom of religion, our freedom of speech, our freedom to vote and assemble and disagree with each other.

They want to overthrow existing governments in many Muslim countries such as Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Jordan. They want to drive Israel out of the Middle East. They want to drive Christians and Jews out of vast regions of Asia and Africa.”

No, no…president Saab is lying Mandira. His regime is not at all democratically elected. I believe I can prove it. And what he is saying is all not the truth. he is a lier.

I am so eager to meet Mr: president. People recognise me. They smile at me. And star TV reporter says there are supporters for me in America. And I really don’t know why. But now I can understand everything. What I am getting is sympathy to an autistic, not the respect for a Muslim. And they all believe if I were not disabled I would never do all these good things. Sympathy to an extra ordinary autistic patient who is now news in America for being a philanthropist who helped the flood victims of Georgia and who gave the information about another Muslim who is a traitor to his own faith, trying, in effect, to hijack Islam itself. He is a terrorist but not a Muslim. I am a Muslim indeed, but I never want to be and I am not a Muslim model for others to follow. There is no truer Islamic model than Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) in the world. Those who believe that my deeds are good and its from the Islam, can know the Islam not from the people who misinterpret Islam in order to satisfy their own interests instantly, but from the real sources and that is the Holly Quran and the life history of the Prophet.

Mandira, I know “I am an autistic; but it doesn’t mean I am mad. I am very intelligent”. I read books, a lot in almost all kinds. I travelled a lot. I am not a terrorist, but a Muslim. But I really don’t understand what is wrong in that. FBI officers asked about Osama, Omar and about a number of others. But I don’t know for God sake. And I don’t even understand all these things. What is wrong with Muslim women wearing a ‘hijab’? Mandira “ye bahuth ajeeb lok hei”!! I don’t understand what they are saying. I remember I have read somewhere that “a French woman wearing a veil is a chic but a Muslim woman wearing a ‘hijab’ is a threat to the culture.”!!! I am so scared and so scared my account balance is only $2. I can “repair almost anything” but what I got around me is a lot of damaged hearts, as mamma Jaani said I really can’t repair it.

“I can repair almost anything and I am intelligent too…”

Mandira, my mom said once, my hug gives her peace. And I also was in real peace in her breast with her arms covered me. But now my mom rests in peace for ever. She said it’s hard to live without me. Mom it’s really hard to live without you and it’s very hard to live as a Muslim. I am so scared that they won’t allow me to live. I really wanted to tell Mr: president that “My Name Is Khan and I am Not a Terrorist but a Muslim”. But I am sorry Mandira I should say Mr: president, “My Name Is Khan and I am Not a Muslim but an Autistic”……….

with love and prayer

Riswan Khan.

Listen..., Chairman speaks… (2)

Having my say once again, including
those I forgot once…….
(presidential address)

“I, the elected Chairman of Farook College students union for the year 2007-08 solemnly swear in the name of God that, I as the Chairman of the college will discharge my duties to uphold the motto of the college…”

Mr: principal, distinguished guests for the day, Mr: C. Radhakrishnan and Mr: Madanan, Mr: N. P Hafiz Muhammad, fellow members of the union, Teachers and friends.

It fills my heart with joy, to stand before you in response to your support and love, as it is clear in your slogans even after the election result declared officially. I feel happy to be a part of what will go down to the history of our college, even if; it would be a least among its kinds. And also, it may be a coincident that, the official beginning of the union is being commissioned formally on such a very first day of a very new year. That means the freshness given by the circumstances can never be deniable, and I hope the almighty may bless for being fresh and innovative in all our united efforts ever. This year; unlike the past years, we have seen an election which held as per the guidelines set by a former chief election commissioner of our nation. That means the campus politics and the election process as a whole is being evaluated under serious concerns by the government and the judiciary, not for its merits but for its demerits. The candidates and the politicians are being marked notoriously. They often are being identified as criminals. Friends, I personally believe, that the guidelines set by the commission for the campus election are indeed a shame to the whole student’s community through out the nation. It is pathetic and at the same time an irony to know, that the qualifications to be a candidate are the basic and necessary qualifications of a ‘STUDENT’!!....

I repeat the celebrated Lingdo commission report is laughing at those who have a student label on them. I think if the commission report had intended positive attributes in its recommendations, it could been a single line suggestion; saying that the candidate should be a student!! A student is the one who should not be a criminal, a student is the one whose attendance should be above 75%, and a student is the one who should pass all the previous exams. Having such a judicial report on the dignity upon the studentship makes clear that there is a group among the students who use the campus politics as the stepping stones of the state party politics, in other words there is an active group out side the campus to use the students as their tools. So the time has come for each and every student to fight back against the enemies of the ‘studentship’ who damaged the dignity of the students beyond repair. The time has come for each and every student to identify the enemies of the students who are even labelled under the name of so called students by themselves.

Our college, the prouder Aligarh of south India, is on its 60th anniversary celebrations. I feel great proud to be a Farookian. Being here in Farook doesn’t make you a Farookian, no; nobody gathered here is a Farookian, unless otherwise they know the history of this campus. We are not Farookians until we find the 'speaking stones' and 'singing breeze' in our college. Seven decades ago this land was nothing but a ‘fox-earth’, an untouched ‘bushy hill’ and besides, the valleys, there was a community who had many things in common; scattered for something and united for nothing. They had nothing but the darkness of ignorance, when the whole world, as a result of renaissance and industrial revolution, witnessed a new mode revolution with a bunch of changes, they, the ancestors of the so called ‘Malabaries’, the uneducated ‘Mappilas’ became helpless. Friends, can you imagine a community who were marginalised in all sectors especially in education, dreamed of being a community who contribute the first educational minister of our independent nation?, friends, can you imagine a community who dreamed of being ‘somebody’ even when they were identified as ‘nobody’ in their struggling days for their existence?.... and friends, can you again imagine the struggling past of an ignorant community who become the great educational reformers of our nation, even in our state of Kerala?....the innovative leadership of Moulavi Moulana Abussabah, and his fellow members gave the community a direction, which changed their destiny, let us remember those eminent founders of our college and the leaders of our community.

Three score years later, today we have everything….our College has been identifying as one of the best colleges in India. Our college is one among those colleges awarded a five star rank, friends; be proud to be a farookian…..

three score years later, today we have everything….we have been continuing as the unbeatable power in both arts and sports festivals….friends; be proud to be a farookian. As I said early being here in Farook College doesn’t make you a farookian, studying here in Farook College doesn’t make you a Farookian, no it doesn’t make you a farookian to be enrolled here as a student. Friends; learn the history of our college, know the founders of this great campus and know the sacrifices behind each stone of this building. It is easy to be an anti farookian. Friends, let me clear one thing, there is of course a group of anti farookians enrolled in each and every year. They have something mysteriously common in them. They are a group of political workers, sometimes a group against the farookians. They have a labell of student federation…they are against all establishments. Let me clear that ‘Farookabad’ is not an establishment; it is an emotion of a community who are always in a continuous motion towards their goals. So the time has come for each and every farookian to identify those nasty anti-farookins and to fight back. If the college authorities feel that I am wrong for saying this, then let the authorities start doing their duty to identify those enemies who have been trying to keep our campus as a no peaceful campus through the media.

Friends; Just for a moment please lend your ears to those ‘koovals’, as I said this land was a ‘fox- earth’, the ancient owners of this land, we see their generations here, they are destined to howl in every festive occasions. Let them defeat by howling themselves. Now they are making the presence of their ancestors by being the howlers against us. Friends; let them howl, it will help them to keep their identity and to be identified as the anti-farookians.

I promise that, this union will be with and for those who believe themselves as the farookians and this union will be against those who act as the anti-farookians. And this union will be alert to protect our college and all farookians from the enemies of our campus, either the political enemies or the ideological enemies. We should always be truthful towards the history of our campus. We have to make sure that the history is being delivered to the next generations with all its beauties. And you have to understand one thing, misinterpretation will damage the beauty of this history, here let me say once again, the time has come for the farookians to identify some deliberate attempts to damage the beauty of our history beyond repair from several specific corners, and I suspect that there is some sort of supports are offered from the college. If again the authority of the college feel that I am wrong for saying this, then let the authorities make clear there is no such attempts. Think, how dare they are!!....

friends; we are in a world where our existence is often questioned....no one knows much about their surroundings, their yesterdays, we know nothing about those who lived before us, our ancestors, we have to find out a sort of power from our yesterdays that cannot be substituted by any instant 'power boosters'.....as prof: M.N Vijayan said once, "in our times, the children....the upcoming generation, they do drink milk every day...they do eat many diary products even frequently, they are very familiar with the sweet white milk...they even know the chemical composition and contents of the milk...but the pathetic and interesting thing is that they never know there is an animal called 'cow'., and this animal gives us milk....and they get a rare chance to see a cow......think, how ignorant our new generation is???".....
so..friends; try to know our yesterdays, our ancestors, our history...i am sure that it will help us to know ourselves...remember once again...being here in Farook College doesn't make you a farookian...so be a farookian..and be proud to be a farookian....

Friends, I believe in reasons. Let me say the growing honour of our college as one of the best colleges, will continue for ever. And this time let me thank my friends for giving such a great victory for us, for giving such a great chance to lead our union. Let me thank Mr: C. Radhakrishnan and Mr: Madanan for coming here.

In all times, may the ever green achievements of our college continue forever as it happened always, may the almighty watch over our college.

Thank you.