Sunday, 1 June 2014

A Promise Never Kept

Weatherman promises a rainy evening! That means a cloudy afternoon and probably a clear sky in the night with enough stars, so that I can choose a lonely bright one to stare at!

I used to make promises. But I could never make you believe that I am a man of my word. Among those promises which I failed to keep always, not a single one would qualify to be called fake or untrustworthy!

But tonight I think I can keep some of my words. I can see chunks of clouds piling slowly up in the sky. I can feel wind blowing all around taking my words to distance, may be too far a place where my promises once made sense to you; where I promised that I would walk with you all the way to the end, I would hold you unto me all along and so on.

There must be someone else too somewhere, Watching the same star at the same time in the very same night! So must be there someone on a shiny day too, watching the same pile of cloud, perhaps from the other side of the earth, or may be on the very next terrace! You never know! It's just a remarkable coincidence of no logical reason!

I could be that someone, if you could ever be that 'someone else' and watch what exactly I watch and stare at what exactly I stare at. I find no other way to tell you that, what it's like to be someone who could never keep his words, and no other way to let you know that, there's not a day in my life goes by I don't feel regret.

Terrace space is always a free space. People use it differently. Some of my friends make phone calls on the terrace, behaving completely detached from their immediate surroundings, even forgetting on which part of the earth they walk. Some others do exercise sometimes. And I can see these all the time; but I would prefer to stare at that lonely bright star at night and that white pile of cloud in the day hoping that you would be somewhere else watching the same star or cloud at the very same moment.

I think I just miss something I never had! Don't ask me how I can miss something I never had. I miss it, I miss it all the time and this is the least of it!

Missing has so far been an obsession; never happened up to its intensity. But now when all of a sudden, stars in the night and clouds in the day along with its companionship blown away in the blink of an eye! And that's how you realize missing is for real; forcing us to keep pretty much to ourselves or rather forces me to keep much to myself to be specific.

Someone would struggle to transform this private feeling of aloofness to a decent, civilized and conveyable public language; because I find 'missing' is so persistent and the only way to overcome it, is to surrender and submit to it.

Weatherman's promise seems to make no difference this time too! There was no cloud in the evening and no stars in the night either. A dark sky made it all, remarkably usual as it always. Bad luck again I guess!

Weatherman, a bad man always; never bothers to keep his promises!

I hope your days and nights are as beautiful as they have been in my dreams and promises I made once.

You keep reading me, for what I hate the most would be the writings of mine which you read not!! So as I made you promise to me once; you keep reading it; as I may not be able to predict what would be my last word to you; you keep reading every bit of it.

Since there is no cloud in the evening and no star in the night, I am no longer able to make it this time too. I couldn't keep my promise. this is no longer a night here, It's almost dawn and it is too late; but still I apologize for promising you again, that I would continue to write.