Sunday, 25 August 2013

Gecko Calls and My Pursuit of Happiness

That is a 'gecko call' again, desperately seeking my attention. I have lizards all around. They approach my feet unnoticed. They crawl along the narrow shades of the terrace wall. Few of them guard my late night possessions. My life, my liberty, and my pursuit of happiness, on my terrace, during late nights. They keep guard over my nights. I have never had such a loyal company anywhere. They watch over me when I read, when I write. They take positions and move, if not always, around, when I walk on my terrace. Some of them never come out from the tube frames; as if they have been strategically deployed there! They hardly chase any flies unless and until flies come in their way. They never blink and keep a perpetual watch over me. I feel it as a genuine and caring one. They never even blink at the harsh tube light. When I touch the walls, they respond. Sometimes they stay back. They shed their tails but they never try to escape.

I sometimes feel that lizards follow when I walk on the streets. I hear gecko callings all around sometimes. I have trouble sleeping in the night. I feel lizards fly around me. Perhaps a hallucination. But does it happen when I sleep? Freud's 'dream psychology' is insufficient'. I will ask my sister who studies psychology.
Lizards watch me every night. And it seems that I slowly begin to enjoy their company. They chirp when I take my cloths off. They gaze when i walk naked. They stick their tongue out at me when I masturbate. When I go to bed, I never see them on the walls. And I never find where they come from. I feel that they keep listening to what I murmur. I am having their unconditional attention. And I keep talking to them. I expect some day they would respond. Some day they would start really talking to me. And I have more stories to tell them. But as of now they are just watching over me every night. A perpetual obligation from which they never try to creep way.

They sometimes remind me of those nights when I was suffering from fever. Those nights were hard. When I was terribly ill; monsters used to fly around me. When I closed my eyes; these shapeless monsters used to float around. Those nights were all hallucinated.

Lizards offer me a ceremonial guardianship. They crawl behind one another until they get to their positions. An unsolicited and unconditional company during my late 'night hours'. So far, the 'blinks' of mine and theirs must have been simultaneous and agreed upon each other. Otherwise I never see them blink. They hardly move; and if at all they move; they crawl to a standstill all the time. And this is how I was forced to stop ignoring them. They are dedicated. Whenever I talk to them, even busy ones slow to a crawl. Whom should I apologize if in case I fall in love with one among those many lizards. Answering a gecko call becomes an imminent inevitability. I submit myself to all unaccountable hallucinations of mine. They protect me and they validate my pleasure seeking. And there is another gecko call again. And if I answer it, they would never stop calling me and I would never refuse to answer them!!.

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